I recognize in myself that I tend to want to live in fairy tales, I want to read them and I want to write them. I sat down many times throughout this month and wanted to just send us all into an immersion of charming stone cottages, wild and glorious gardens, small and perfectly appointed towns and humans who love one another deeply. And yet in contrast I want to remind everyone that some weird shit is happening and maybe this is the time we need to sit up and notice that the fairy tale can exist and yet we’ve allowed it to be transformed into something otherworldly. I want to both remind us of where we come from and where we are going (spoiler alert, it’s love) and also caution us to not sit idly by while a small group pull the strings that construct our world. From it all I am just here, as I seem to always be, not quite pulled totally over here, but also not really over there, just in the middle, holding the line. So I’m going to endeavour to honour both sides in this and use three lessons I learned this month from my three wee girls to pull it all together. Here we go.
Lily
We often talk about how the world is ever changing and how it was so different when I was young. The change that has happened in just one year feels staggering sometimes — our life now so very different than what we had naively projected, so different than it once was it almost feels like another lifetime altogether.
“Will the world be different when I’m a grown up?”
It catches my breath when she asks this, her small voice, her very small body, me thinking of who she will be as a grown up and indeed what world will she live in. Thinking of our current state of events, I know she’s alluding to all of these drastic changes without having the words to say it. I can’t think of my daughters in years from now still standing six feet apart, afraid of their own and their friends bodies, fearing something invisible. I don’t want to put energy into something that feels daunting, unwelcoming, uncertain. So I ask what she thinks. She is six and her life, though very much changed in a short time, is still inherently good. And she is six so her answers are simple and easy.
“I will be a momma too and I will not be angry when my child is sick and I will love her.”
Because in the midst of everything happening out there, this is all she really sees and knows. It’s only ever actually about love. That’s all there really is to it right now, I’m just holding the line; I’m just loving my daughters when they are sick and when they are well and when they are happy and when they are sad and when they are balls of fiery energy and sleepy small beings.
Gracie
Edie
The story of 2020 is over and yet our new story is only beginning. We are swimming through new waters and there are many who are still holding onto what was and maintaining that we’ll go back there. We never do move backwards though do we? We’re on an upward journey and the trajectory has become steeper. And despite further restrictions and the ‘doom and gloom’ narrative happening out there, in here feels okay. So I’m caught in the space of vehement opposition to what’s happening all around me and wanting to maintain the peace and security I feel. Can I do both? I am narrowing my focus on each day and not casting too big of a vision. I am dreaming of expansion but not testing the waters. I am taking care of the matters at hand and I am recognizing that perhaps I was misled to think that there was anything outside of this. I am at times hopeful and then afraid, uncertain and overwhelmed, curious and in wonder. And through it all I am holding the line.
With now over a month off social media I feel like I’m in a bit of a hazy dream. Truly without well meaning friends sending me little updates here and there I’d just never really know what’s coming down the line! If I don’t know, does it matter? If I don’t know, is it real? For all intents and purposes my life is pretty much to my making right now. NOT by accident, by choice, and choices that I didn’t even understood as I made them over the years and felt so uncertain about at times. I’m trying to understand if I’m burying my head under the snowy blanket of this country life for self preservation which will then expand that experience outward or if by disconnecting from what’s out there I’m allowing for it to continue without opposition. What even makes sense anymore?! I’ve been reading a lot of work by Zach Bush, Bruce Lipton, and listening to words from Lorie Ladd and Russell Brand, you’ll see how all of that informed my writing I’m sure.
Here’s something I believe. We are all plugged into a field of consciousness that cannot be denied. This field that links us as humans means that as one person learns something new over here another person the world over could be stumbling upon the same new ability, the same new way of thinking. You might be familiar with the 100th monkey effect, in which evolutionary behavioural changes occur in groups of monkeys that have no physical contact with one another. It could also be said about our own children and how they seem to be more adept at using your smart phone at age three than you are. The upgrade is constantly happening in the web of consciousness and we are thusly being newly informed and programmed. I’ve recently heard how the internet is simply the physical manifestation of this energetic field, how we as humans have taken what’s ‘up here’ in our consciousness and brought it into a tangible form. So just as we can all check out the alerts on our phones, scroll through social and tune into news bulletins we are doing that to mimic the energetic field that has always and will always connect us all.
Consider intuition, what is that? Access to information that you don’t know where it’s come from. Is it your web of consciousness, is it inherent knowledge based on generational experiences? I think it’s all of those things and it’s self-evident. We want to pretend sometimes that humans are somehow superior to animals because of our ability to build and communicate but we forget that nature is doing that in a way and a speed in which we have never been able to replicate. We have been conditioned over millennia to disconnect from the power of our human nature but it is still there. That gut feeling, that knowing, it’s still there.
Still with me?
Picture of cats because cuteness is essential.
I want to highlight it because here’s what I keep coming back to in these moments of paralytic fear when I look out there. That which I see is not the manifestation of my beliefs or desires, but it is a manifestation of our collective consciousness all the same. It’s undeniably happening but it doesn’t always have to be. I think where we falter is assuming that everything is written in stone, that this is the journey (the last phase of the human journey some would argue) that humans started a long time ago. We are powerless to change it, it’s simply happening to us and our only option is to bend to its whims. Or another belief if that we can fight against it, resist it with our whole beings, clash against it, rage against it. An uprising. To tear it down before it destroys human life as we know it. We do this by opting out of the systems in place, by being non-compliant, by taking a stand on the soap box of our social media accounts and blasting out our dissent. I’ve done my fair share of that!
I think there’s something more though.
When I think about the Schumann Resonance and how the energy of earth has an unquestionable resonance and affect on our own brain waves it reminds me how powerful tuning our frequency is. We often talk now about something being “high vibe” which is catchy but also accurate. Since everything in our plane of existence is simply energy, the vibration that it puts out can either be in harmony or in discord with our own. And vice versa. It’s the entire premise behind the power of manifestation — all that you truly desire already exists, you just need to tune into the frequency of it to be able to obtain it. With knowing that I want to be so careful about what I bring in to my consciousness. The old paradigms that we are experiencing now are dying away – competition, separation, conflict. There is a feeling of “last ditch effort” as the powers that be hold tightly to what they once knew, afraid of what is coming in its stead, this is the evolution of human consciousness being played out in real time. The world we now experience was built upon lies, deceit, and unbalanced power, but truth really does prevail. The world of my creation thrives on connection, community, cooperation, harmony. There is smiling and there is touching and there is caring for wellbeing in all ways. There is compassion and love and freedom of choice. There is joy and grief and life and death and a healthy dose of respect for the whole package of what being human is. And humility because we won’t always get it right. I choose to live for that vision, to find strength and empowerment in that. Life isn’t happening to us, it’s happening for us.
Right now is chaos, but there is actually order to chaos, the patterns are simply below our level of understanding, they are so subtle and so complete. Think of a caterpillar in chrysalis, it is the same cells from one being to another, in the middle is the mush as it transforms. It is not random, it is divinely designed and architected. So we cannot understand the chaos of now but we can trust in its underworking for our better selves. Just as a virus can simply be the catalyst for the human body to upgrade its immune system, which happens constantly without your knowing or orchestration, we are IN IT right now. Our human mission is to witness the transformation. Like being tossed in a riptide, what do you do? Flail and fight and resist — tiring and likely to exhaust you to the extreme until you go under. So let go, take those deep breaths, keep your head above water and surrender — you are lifted up and pulled away from the danger, delivered to the other side.
The world isn’t on hold, look outside. Mother Nature cares not for what we humans do or do not do right now, she is still at work and at rest just as her seasons dictates. The sun still rises and sets, the moon still pulls the tides, growing and dormancy still occur as per always. There is an adaptability lesson in nature that mustn’t be overlooked. We can overcome any situation, we can indeed flourish in spite of our circumstance. We actually already hold that power inside of us. All of those plans you once made, all of those desires you once held, tap back in. Become better in tune with what you truly want to see in our world. 2020 was the wake up call for many, in one way or another. A final big shake before it’s all closing up around us. That holds tremendous gifts; to reevaluate, to take stock, to choose a greater vision. And now in this new year, 2021, we are still in the infancy of the ‘new world’ that is built from the rubble, it’s still malleable and we are powerful creators. When we harness clarity, move into purpose and flow, come from the foundation of freedom, security and expansion we can truly shape what we most want to see. The question is does it happen and then we see it or do we build it first in our minds and then experience its physical existence? With that I want to write fairy tales of the world my daughters will live in and inherit. The one Lily spoke of in the tub, the one Gracie fears she’ll never experience again, the one I see when I sit in quiet with Edie — simple and human at its core, built of love, understanding and compassion. I’m holding the line and seeing it clearly in my mind, join me?
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